Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
