This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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