I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
