69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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