You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
