he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
