someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
