i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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