He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
