I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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