10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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