dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
