Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the liver wants what the liver wants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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