apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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