Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
