Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.