She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?