I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.