I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.