I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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