I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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