you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this just has baby written all over it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dignity is for republicans.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
