he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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