apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
