she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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