also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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