i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
