I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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