they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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