nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
