when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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