five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
