So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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