i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
