I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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