Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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