Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
