I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
