The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
