And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
