when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
