4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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