Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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