you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
