would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
