direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
