I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
