bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
why is half of my head shaved?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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