I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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