He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
