Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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