My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
