The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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