I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
