Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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