my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
