I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
