how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
