Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
