I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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