omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
