The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
