Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
