It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
