she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
