Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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