i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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