the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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