She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
