The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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